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Facing rejection, especially when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. Someone is saying no, giving a firm “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I commenced submitting manuscripts half a century past, just after completing my studies. Since then, I have had multiple books rejected, along with book ideas and countless short stories. Over the past 20 years, concentrating on personal essays, the rejections have grown more frequent. Regularly, I face a setback multiple times weekly—amounting to more than 100 times a year. Cumulatively, denials over my career run into thousands. Today, I might as well have a master’s in rejection.

So, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Absolutely not. As, now, at 73 years old, I have embraced rejection.

In What Way Did I Achieve It?

A bit of background: By this stage, almost every person and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never kept score my acceptance statistics—doing so would be very discouraging.

For example: not long ago, an editor nixed 20 submissions in a row before approving one. Back in 2016, at least 50 editors declined my manuscript before a single one approved it. Subsequently, 25 literary agents declined a book pitch. One editor even asked that I submit articles only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Rejection

Starting out, each denial were painful. I took them personally. It seemed like my creation being rejected, but who I am.

As soon as a piece was turned down, I would go through the phases of denial:

• First, surprise. How could this happen? Why would editors be overlook my skill?
• Second, denial. Maybe they rejected the wrong person? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who made you to decide on my labours? They’re foolish and your publication is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, frustration at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why do I put myself through this? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, pleading (often seasoned with optimism). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, sadness. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be successful.

So it went over many years.

Notable Examples

Naturally, I was in fine company. Tales of authors whose work was originally rejected are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was initially spurned. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his youth squad. Most American leaders over the past six decades had been defeated in races. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to star were declined numerous times. For him, denial as an alarm to rouse me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Then, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I reached the seventh stage of setback. Understanding. Now, I grasp the many reasons why someone says no. For starters, an editor may have just published a like work, or have something in the pipeline, or be considering something along the same lines for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my pitch is uninteresting. Or maybe the reader believes I am not qualified or standing to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the market for the work I am submitting. Maybe didn’t focus and scanned my work too fast to see its value.

You can call it an awakening. Any work can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost little you can do about it. Some rationales for rejection are forever not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are your fault. Honestly, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and impact, or the point I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Maybe something about my punctuation, notably commas, was annoying.

The essence is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve published two books—my first when I was middle-aged, my second, a autobiography, at 65—and more than a thousand pieces. These works have been published in magazines large and small, in local, national and global outlets. My first op-ed was published in my twenties—and I have now contributed to that publication for five decades.

However, no blockbusters, no signings publicly, no spots on talk shows, no presentations, no prizes, no big awards, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can better handle no at my age, because my, humble achievements have eased the blows of my frequent denials. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all now.

Educational Setbacks

Setback can be instructive, but when you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will probably just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what insights have I gained?

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